Trust in a New Light

The days immediately after giving birth to two babies were some of the hardest days the Lord has brought me through in my life thus far. I have so much to be thankful for and have endured so little heartache, pain, and suffering in my lifetime. So little that Kendall and I have talked many times about when it would be our turn as we knew our time would come as followers of Christ. We weren’t sure what that would look like or what form it would be in, but in a mini way, we experienced a few small trials following the birth of our twin girls. Obviously, the 2 days leading up to their birth we knew that my health was at risk with the high BP, lower kidney functioning, my iron deficiency, and several other things, but ignorance proved bliss for this pregnant girl. Had I known how serious it was and could have been, I worry that fear could have driven me. Instead, I was not made aware of the seriousness of the situation until much later. Within several minutes of birthing these two babies, this mom’s levels were all over the place. The last thing I remember was the doctors and nurses telling me to keep talking to them and me muttering “I can’t.” That was it and I was out. My BP had dropped to 45 over 20 and that was the last I remembered until I came to and they wheeled me to a recovery room. All of this occurred with Kendall out of the OR, as he had gone with the babies to the NICU. This was probably best in hindsight for him to not see me in this light. He had already seen far more than he probably had imagined and this might have just done him in. Needless to say, it was a scary time for me and fear begin to creep in. There were so many sweet moments of having my husband just pray with me and for me that drew us closer not only to each other but to the Lord. I praise God for that. Now I find myself having to trust the Lord more than ever with our two precious girls and it is a daily struggle to have open hands with their lives and pray that God uses them for HIS glory, whatever that looks like. I thought I knew what trust was but new light has been shed on what that really means and days from now new light will shine again in increasing my level of trust.