Seeing Double

Backing up almost a year ago, Kendall and I had prayed that the Lord would grant us children if that was HIS will. We longed to be parents and were thrilled at the possibility of raising kids. That prayer was answered on Sept. 7. We found out we were indeed pregnant and that the Lord had given us the desire of our hearts. Maybe a little sooner than one of us was thinking! =) As anyone who has been in our shoes knows, it is a very surreal moment to see that double line. I think my eyes did a double take and I began shaking. Oh dear, what have we done? And oh dear, how am I going to tell Kendall? Well with just a couple hours to spare before Kendall would make his routine appearance into our kitchen I quickly came up with a plan and ran full speed ahead with it. Then the moment came, not quite like I expected. He walked up the stairs, looked me in the eyes, and not kidding at all said to me “you look way too happy, are you pregnant!?” I just laughed and said well yes as a matter of fact I am honey. Then in an attempt to grasp the magnitude of that moment and mask the fear of this new reality, he began to question it and say this isn’t for real is it? I pointed to his “gift” and said yes dear this is for real! This is really that moment we have talked about. We snapped some pictures, took a video capturing our reactions to this news and then prayed for our future child.

Positive pregnancy test, check. Lab work complete, check. First doctor’s appointment-about to take place. We were giddy with excitement to see our newest little one’s first picture, but also remained tempered with the reality that only the Lord controls the growth of this child and His will might not be our will. So we venture into the ultrasound room and this is honestly a day I can bet neither one of us will ever forget. Our technician begins her process and she is awfully quiet. At that point, I had a peace that I can’t explain and I just knew in my heart that there must not be a heartbeat. I mutter, “Is everything ok?” She responded oh yes, everything is just fine, are you seeing what I’m seeing?!! I respond no when in my head I’m thinking of course I don’t see what you are seeing! It’s a still screen and I can’t tell a thing from it. She says, well guys there’s Baby A and there’s Baby B- it’s twins!! We both just smiled and then began to laugh uncontrollably. And we continue to laugh the rest of the night. This wasn’t ANYWHERE on our radar, let’s just say that and thus began the longest 9 months of my life that I have experienced at this point and the hardest 3 months of keeping it a secret. Indeed, we had just seen DOUBLE.